"Drat!"

That was the word the neurosurgery PA said when she walked into the room to check on Brendan this morning.

Cleaning the cleave on his port line.

Brendan had a miserable night with a terrible headache that the pain meds wouldn't touch. And a stiff neck. And light hurts his eyes again, (he put his head under a towel to block out the light) and I had to take the clock off the wall again-- it's under my pillow.  (That's the understood sign now that noise is bothering him again.)

Disinfecting the port line connections and drawing blood for labs.

We floated all sorts of ideas around all night why this might be happening -- we overworked him yesterday with the radiation simulation and physical therapy . . he didn't get enough fluids to keep the pressure up in his brain. . .   his steroid taper ended yesterday morning (which could cause a return of symptoms) . . . but at least he doesn't have a fever. . .

Sarah: But now we're looking at an infection. He started fevering shortly after I arrived at about 8 am. Meningitis is a real risk. So we've done a few labs and are going to be doing a spinal fluid test soon, which Charlie will have to be sedated for.

I'm sure you can imagine, but the feeling that permeates the room when the PA walks in and says, "this does not look good," is heavy. At that point I started looking for my heart down somewhere around my ankles. I had just picked it up and put it back in place, more or less, when another big sigh and "drat" out of the PA sent it plummeting again. I'm learning that life with cancer is a constant roller coaster for the heart.

Kerry:  Word just came that the the LP (lumbar puncture) will be done at 12:30 p.m.  It will be a conscious sedation with versed so he won't remember what happened.  We didn't talk about this in the room because he gets anxious, but he knew something was up and mumbled, "What's going on?" when I came past his bed.  I told him and he wanted to know if it would hurt.  "No, they will put you out."  He felt just fine about that.  Blood work is coming back, urine sample just went out, and the LP will take up to 5 days to culture.  So they will probably start some strong antibiotics just as soon as he is done with the LP.