Memories from Brendan's Funeral

Today I transcribed the kids memories that they gave at Brendan's funeral.  Here are their stories, and the rest of the Life Sketch I gave of what Brendan learned.

Kerry:

We have been so amazed at the lessons Brendan learned, and through him, what we were able to learn. We realized that all this pain and suffering really refines and strengthens people. It purifies us. And we saw this with Brendan. There were a couple things that I really noticed Brendan learned and one was empathy. One day we were sitting in the RTU (Rapid Treatment Unit, I think) and he was going to be getting 4 bone marrow aspirates – two in the front of his hips and two in the back – and there was a baby crying across the hallway. He finally turned to me and said, “Mom, I can't stand this! I just want to go hold that baby and make it feel better!” And I shook my head and said, “Yes, I know.” That was so hard for him to endure – hearing other babies cry. And if anyone else he heard had surgery or had another procedure that needed to be done, he was extremely empathetic to the pain and suffering that they were going through.

Another thing that Brendan really learned, and he taught us, was gratitude. It was really amazing this last weekend, after he was Life Flighted to Primary Children's Hospital in extreme pain, Sarah and I spent the night with him in his room. We were trying to sleep and I kept waking up because I heard Brendan speaking. I realized that every time the nurse came in, he was thanking her for the work she was doing and the help she was giving him. So he learned gratitude.

And the other thing he learned and taught all of us was that families are forever. He was so grateful, and told us many times, how grateful he was for the temple. And that we could be together forever.

Chris:

I remember that Charlie always, always wanted to take not just one of us, but all of us outside to play games. It couldn't just be one of us, it had to be all of us. One birthday we got him a baseball bat and took the whole family to the park. And being in a large family, we were able to play a whole game of baseball together. And just to see the smile on Charlie's face. Just to have everyone together as a family. And to feel that love and to be together doing something was his favorite thing of all time. And I still feel that as we join together as a family.

Landon:

A month or two before Brendan died, we were lucky enough to go to a camp for kids and their siblings who had cancer. And while we were there for a week, they had a bunch of activities. High swings, zip lines and challenges where you had to climb walls and do stuff-, dancing. But Brendan didn't get up for any of that. He stayed in his wheel chair the whole time. But the few time I saw him while he was watching other kids go on the zip line or dancing or doing all that, he was smiling, because everybody else was – smiling, laughing, doing, having fun. What I found amazing was that he could find joy in their enjoyment, find happiness in the fact that they were happy, and that just always got me, especially recently. I just always thought “How could he, with all these problems, ever find joy, especially when it wasn't his own?” But he was always able to appreciate another person's happiness. He's a great person.

Sarah:

So, some of you may know, Charlie is a very competitive, and I have no idea where he got that! Mom and I were in the hospital with him after his brain surgery and for therapy they needed to make sure that all of his cognitive function was still intact. They weren't sure if anything had gotten messed up. So they would ask him questions, they would run through tests, and one of the things they did was had all of us play Blokus. It was his first time playing and he beat us all. And he NEVER EVER let us live that down. So, some other members of the family might be a little competitive, maybe, and I decided I would teach him a game that I could win at. So I brought in Monopoly and taught him how to play Monopoly, and I won the first couple of times. But, he was also much better at math than me, so sometimes when I needed to figure out the change, he would always keep me straight on that. And that's when we knew that everything was fine after brain surgery. He was OK there! So we played countless rounds of Monopoly and pretended it was therapy. He would convince me to skip school and stay in the hospital with him to play Monopoly.

Just a few weeks ago I was headed out the door to go rock climbing, and he stopped me at the door. I was on the way out, and he said, “Hey, you go rock climbing all the time, you need to hang out with me!” So I said, “Okay,” So I set down my rope and we played Monopoly and that was the last time we played and he won. So, until we have a rematch he still gets to hold Blokus AND Monopoly over my head.

Lindsay:

I realize that I didn't really know Charlie until he got cancer. Like mom said, he just kind of faded into the background a little bit. I am so grateful for the opportunity that I really got to know Charlie. And he taught me so much. And one of the best things he taught me was serving others. He was so selfless. One experience that we had was when he was doing chemo and he wasn't feeling well all the time, but for Family Home Evening he wanted to go take treats to somebody else. He always wanted to do stuff for someone else.

He would play with my hair, because he knew that I liked that --if I rubbed his feet – usually it was a two way deal! But he would always do something for someone else. He would always come up and hug me if I was having a bad day. And he would always reach out even when he was having his own trials. I'm so grateful for his service and his selflessness.

Rachel:

Charlie taught me a lot of things over the past 10 months, but one of them was to “Live in the Moment.” And he taught me that a lot of ways, but one of the ways I remember,-- and this was how it was before, but especially after he was diagnosed – He had to have our full attention. We had to be right there. If we were with him we had to be paying attention to him. So I would be on my phone doing whatever and he would say, “Rachel, are you texting? Really? Is the person you are texting more important than me?” Or I would be like, “Charlie, I'm not texting, I'm looking something up. And he would be like, “Really? Is that more important?” And I'd always have to admit,“Well, no.” So fine. And he would try to take my phone. And he did that to all of us when we had our phones out. He did it to mom with her laptop. “Is that more important?” It was just really good to learn that it really isn't as important. And it is important to spend time with your family and it's important to be “in the moment” where you are and really appreciate those moments.

Picture of the display table at the viewing.

Maddy:

My favorite thing about Charlie was that he was always so kind and compassionate to everybody. Kind of like my mom was saying, whenever anybody else was having any other problems even if he wasn't having the best day ever, he would always take the time to make sure that we were ok, and that we were having a good day because if we were happy, then he was happy. And I always remember that if I was in a bad mood or I was sad, he would always come up and give me a hug, even when I would roll my eyes and say, “Ok, Charlie, whatever. . . If it makes you happy.” It really touched me because he really was kind to everybody else and he took the time to make sure I was happy. And that was really special to me.

Loren:

There was about a year of Charlie's life where he spent more time, more hours on the trampoline behind our house than he did on solid ground. And I think my siblings can attest to this, that if you were in eyeshot or earshot, he would get you onto the tramp with him. You could not hold out for very long.

After Jamie and I had gone on one date, and it was our second date, we ended up in Avon after our date and we were roasting marshmallows in the fire pit – which is very close to the trampoline. Anyway, Jamie, and Charlie and I ended up on the trampoline. And he interviewed us. He looked at me and he looked at Jamie and he said, “Are you two in love?” And on a second date there is no good answer to that! I thought it was the older brothers job to make it awkward for the younger brother during their dates. . .

Last year we traveled to Oregon, and we had about three cars, and I drove one of them. And Charlie always seemed to end up in my back seat. And I was happy with that, because I'm the cool brother. And I had to apologize to him, “Sorry, Charlie, we're listening to this chick flick novel. Sorry. It won't last very long.” Anyway, one time we were driving and he wouldn't be riding with us and he pulled me aside and he said, “Loren, do not start that book without me!”

I guess what I'm trying to say is that Charlie had a very high emotional intelligence and if you know him, you know that. And he had a very short, but very successful career, I think, as a love expert.

After yesterday's post, Brooke sent me this great quote.