Well, we made it a week. A week from the funeral. Two weeks from Brendan's passing. Three weeks from Life Flight. Four weeks from Brendan passing the sacrament, and five weeks from Brendan being ordained to the Aaronic Priesthood. Each of the five Saturday/Sundays in July had very special meaning for us.
Everywhere we look, there are daily reminders of Brendan. The lights in the trees, cards coming in the mail, gifts, flowers and plants from the funeral. There are also the daily life reminders -- folding Brendan's clothes that came through the laundry today. Picking up Brendan's shoes in the mudroom. Does it hurt my heart? No. In fact, I had to laugh about the shoes. Even when Brendan is not here I'm still picking up his shoes :) It made me happy to pick up Landon's and Aaron's shoes too. For the first time, I welcome having their shoes to pick up and put away.
Months ago, when we found out about the cancer in Brendan's bones, I knew I would have to deal with the daily, ever present reminders of him. I had heard from other mothers how hard this could be. So I worked and worked to see every reminder as a wonderful memory of all the good times we've had. So far, it has helped. I did have a struggle yesterday at the water slides with the memory of Brendan sliding what seemed like hundred of times at last years party -- just one year ago when he didn't have cancer and life seemed sure and certain. I mourned those carefree days.
So many people ask me, "So what are you going to do with all of your time now?" Just like the daily reminders, I have given that a lot of thought as well. Brendan's illness was extremely time consuming. But, I have to remind others, "I have nine children. Eight of them have had almost no attention for 3/4 of a year." There is plenty to do. Plenty to keep me busy. How I choose to spend that time will be very different from how I planned to spend it a year ago. Brendan taught me a lot about priorities.
Brendan and your blog have changed our priorities too. Thank you for sharing. Our family is a lot closer now because of your examples.
ReplyDeleteKerry your family and Brendan have taught me a lot about where I should be spending my time. I used to get frustrated at not getting 5 mins to myself, even in the bathroom. ;) You have nine, you know what I mean. I look at those moments now as what if things were different and one of them was gone. I try and look at those moments and laugh. It has become my running joke. I am grateful for the example you all have been to me and my family. I have tried to take things to heart and make myself and my family better and closer. I want to spend every moment with my family that I can and help them to learn and grow. I have set a goal to take what I have learned to make me a better teacher this coming year. To push the extra mile even further and reach my students more and better then I have before. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteLove you.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful thoughts as always. I've been so busy tending grandkids that I haven't made it over for a visit. It's on my priority list. With your discipline and good priorities you will accomplish so much good.
ReplyDeleteKerry - you inspire and lift me. You give me hope and faith, daily. Thank you so very much for sharing with us! Xoxo ❤ We feel so blessed to know and love you all!
ReplyDeleteKerry - Thank you so much for inspiring me and loving me. How grateful I am to have you as family.
ReplyDeleteI love you and your dear family so much. Rexene June Catmull Robbins (Bateman)