Gifts of the Spirit

Today in Young Women's, Julie Delgado shared her amazing testimony and taught us about the gifts of the spirit.  One of those gifts we learned, was the ability to weep.  Well, Brendan and I must both have been blessed with that precious gift today, because we wept -- a lot.  

It was a tough weekend.  So glad to be home, Brendan and I were both rather caught up with frantically trying to enjoy the weekend, but experiencing the turmoil of knowing we had to return again on Monday.  Worse, with the winter storm coming through, we would have to return to Salt Lake earlier -- on Sunday evening, even though Brendan's radiation appointment isn't until Monday afternoon.  So, many tears were shed as we both had to wrap our heads around going again for a few more weeks.  Missing family, Christmas preparations, parties, and get-togethers only added to the heartache.

Brendan woke up sad and teary this morning.  After a few hours I knew we needed something to bring up his spirits.  That bright spot came when we decided to all go to sacrament meeting at church as a family.  It's been months since we've all been there together.  Brendan donned his face mask and gloves in order to go.  The joy of taking the sacrament filled my heart with peace, and being all together was balm to my aching soul.

Having Nathan (Brendan's cousin) come was another bright spot in Brendan's day.  And, yes, he brought (some of) his nerf gun arsenal.  A war was waged and Brendan's spirits were renewed until Nathan had to leave for work.

Then more games were played. . .

 More fun was had. . .

 Until the car was packed and it was time to leave.  Then Brendan cried and cried some more. . .

 After a blessing, and family prayer (and another foot rub from his sisters) -- he was finally ready to go.

 We headed out and made it to Farmington tonight with clear roads and no snowflakes in sight.  But by the time Brendan was tucked into bed 45 minutes later, everything outside was covered in snow.  We're glad we left when we did.

Tonight I remembered this experience I wrote to share with the Young Women in the 3rd Ward and thought I would share it with everyone now.

November 27, 2015

Six weeks ago our lives changed in a dramatic way.  One moment life seemed pretty normal, and a few hours later we were driving to the hospital in Salt Lake in a race to save our 11-year-old son’s life.  I remember that day — sitting in a doctor’s office in North Logan, hearing from a doctor we had never met, that Brendan had an aggressive tumor that had moved rapidly from his sinus, into his eye socket, and was now pushing into his brain.  I remember thinking, “What am I supposed to be feeling?  How am I supposed to react to this kind of news?”  I didn’t cry (although tears were stinging my eyes) — I was more afraid of scaring Brendan than anything else.  I wasn’t sure how much he understood of what the doctor had said.  (But then, I wasn’t sure how much I understood of what the doctor had told us!)  

We proceeded to Salt Lake trying to understand all that was happening, feeling very numb and confused about what the future would hold.  While trying to grasp the implications of what was ahead of us, I was so grateful for prayer and for a Savior, and for the knowledge I had of his love of me, of Brendan, and of our family. I knew he was there for us.

I have had many experiences in the last 6 weeks that have taught me so much about the Savior, the Atonement, and how to rely on Him.  When Brendan underwent brain surgery, Shaun and I felt carried - literally lifted- above the fear, the worry, and the doubt - of whether he would be alright.  So many people were fasting and praying for us and for Brendan and I learned that the power of prayer is a tangible thing.  You can feel the power of it.  I first felt this power on the weekend after General Conference when Brendan underwent his first sinus and eye surgery.  His surgery was scheduled for 3 p.m.  The surgical team was a little late starting, so we were waiting in Brendan’s hospital room for them to come get him.  Right at 3 p.m. I was sitting on the couch and felt this incredible feeling engulf me.  A little confused, I tried to figure out what I was feeling.  I looked at the clock and realized that many people around the world were starting their fasts and were praying for Brendan, for the doctors, and for us.  What an incredible power — the power of prayer and fasting.

After Brendan’s brain surgery, I began to feel some doubt and fear about what the future would hold. Brendan was suffering greatly from meningitis and could not tolerate any light or sound without severe pain to his head.  In that dark, silent room I opened my scriptures to where I was reading in the New Testament and I read the story of  Christ healing the the man’s hand that was withered.  In that dark, quiet room I knew without a doubt that Christ could heal Brendan that very moment if that was his will.  And I knew that he could heal him completely.  I knew that without a doubt.  

I continued reading and read the story of the woman who had an issue of blood 12 years, who had spent all her living (money) on physicians, but could not be cured by them.  Her faith in Christ led her to touch the hem of his garment knowing that she could be healed.  Because of her faith, she was.  But only after 12 years of struggling with her condition.  Christ’s purpose led her though many difficult years before she was healed.  Through her healing, we all learn from her experience the power of faith and of Christ’s power to heal. Maybe not immediately, but when we learn what we needed to learn and Christ’s purposes are fulfilled.

In that dark time after Brendan’s brain surgery, Kathy Thatcher came to Brendan’s room several times to visit me.  We whispered together in the dark, quiet room and she brought me great comfort in a difficult time.  I re-learned that Christ sends others to help us when we need it most.  We can all be angels of mercy to those who are struggling.  Many have come to help and comfort us during this time.  Letters, emails, notes, visits, food, gifts, hugs, prayers— all ways Heavenly Father sends his love to us through others, and it makes such a difference.  No thought, prayer, or kindness is ever wasted or unappreciated.

Another experience that has helped me through this faith-trying time occurred about 20 years ago, when we were living in Charleston, West Virginia.  Once again, I was reading my scriptures — this time in the Book of Mormon.  The question came, “Is your faith sufficient?”  This brought a question to my mind, “Sufficient for what?”  I didn’t know what kind of faith I needed in my life, but I wanted to know if it was sufficient.  I prayed fervently to know if my faith was sufficient.  As I prayed I felt great peace flood over my whole body and I knew that yes, my faith was sufficient — for what I didn’t know— but that it was what I needed for what was going to be asked of me.  The memory of that experience many years ago has helped me many times over the last month when I began to doubt that I had enough faith or strength to go on.

I know that the Atonement not only helps us overcome sin, but it has the power to strengthen us through our trials. I'm amazed at how merciful the Lord is in allowing us to have these trials in our life and then lifting us to meet them.  I know before this happened with Brendan that I thought cancer or watching my child suffer were two things I would never be able to handle.  Yet, I’ve learned that through the Atonement, Christ gives me that strength.  What mercy!  What grace he offers us!   I know he does not let us suffer any more than we can bear, and he never lets us suffer longer than we need to.  Fear and doubt begin to enter my mind when I try to look too far into the future.  Faith in the here and now keep me strong and relying on the Savior and His Atonement.  He will not leave us comfortless.  I’ve felt that time and time again.  I know it is true with all my heart!