Decisions, Decisions!

This morning Brendan slept in 'til noon.  I kept peeking in to see if he was awake yet.  Often he was stirring, but was too tired to get up. I figured sleep was better for him today than anything else he could do.

 When he finally did get up, he was pretty energetic.  He showered, brushed his teeth, did some math homework and practiced his ukulele.  Later this afternoon, his Uncle Travis and cousin, Sammy, showed up bearing a surprise!

 It's a Big Joe bag!  Brendan really LOVES the one at Travis' house.  So Aunt Stacey ordered a green one for Brendan.

 Brendan and Aaron wrestled over who got to sit on it first.  (I loved seeing how normal Brendan is acting lately!)

 Then Brendan showed Sammy what he's been learning on the ukulele.

Then it was final decision time.  We've known about the ice skating party all week.  So has Brendan.  Should we take him?  Should we leave him home?  It took all day going back and forth to decide what was going to be best.  Here's kind of what the conversation sounded like:

 Brendan really wants to go.  And when he really wants to do something he has lots of energy and it helps him to get out.

 But his ANC counts were low on Thursday. We don't know if they are back up or not.  There is a higher risk of coming down with an illness, and he could be exposed to lots of germs.

But the ice rink is reserved for a smaller group of people, not the general public.

But it only takes one sick person to spread an infection or virus.

 Brendan could wear his mask.  His platelet counts are normal (lowering risk of bleeding).

But it is still too risky to skate.  Any injury could set him back on his treatments.

He's been waiting all day for everyone to come home from school so he can play.  If we take everyone skating, but him, he will be so sad to spend the evening home alone - (with mom is almost as good as alone, he thinks).

He already feels deprived with not being able to do a lot of things.  How do we help him feel a part of this without putting him at risk?

We went on and on and around and around for several hours.  If Brendan were to come down with an illness, we would feel terrible if we felt we could have avoided it.  On the other hand, Brendan thrives on being with friends and family and when he's doing well mentally, he does well physically.  

We finally decided we would take him.

  But no skating.  He wanted to go so bad he even volunteered to wear his mask.  (It made it easier when he thought it was his idea.  You know he's serious about going somewhere when he offers to wear his mask!)

 Yes, he had a great time and loved getting out and being with family and friends.  He even snuck out on the ice for a minute just to feel more part of the fun.

 Which gave Alana a good laugh!

 Brendan really enjoyed getting out and having some fun tonight.

 I often think if we could make it through this experience and then rewind and start all over again (heaven forbid!) we might have some idea of what we are doing.  Unfortunately, we are having to learn as we go and figure it out through trial and error.  As one mom of a cancer kid said so well to another (who worried about something she did) --"No guilt!  Everything we do for our kids is our best effort to help them."  I was glad for the reminder.

Finding the balance between "safety" and "living life" is a little trickier than I anticipated it would be.  Especially going through this during the winter months.  I'm sure we'll be having a lot more conversations like this in the months ahead.