Coming Full Circle

Having completed four "rounds" of chemo, I'm beginning to see patterns.  After finishing another cycle, I see us coming full circle to where we start again.  Day 1 is always the day Brendan has his audiogram, is admitted to the hospital, and we start pre-chemo fluids.  Then the days progress through the administration of the chemotherapy drugs and the post-chemo fluids.  When that is completed we get discharged and come home.  In the past, that has been anywhere from day 3 to day 7.  

Brendan really wanted to go to the Book Table today to use his Christmas gift card and spend his Christmas money.  When his ANC (white blood cell counts) came back today at 1800 (high) we decided to go!

 The days after that include regular blood draws to check sodium and electrolyte levels, as well as white blood cell levels, platelet counts, and red blood cell counts.  Those usually happen every Monday and Thursday.  Days 10 - 14 are usually the days of the cycle where the white blood cell counts begin to drop.  Then we wait for the counts to rise again as the bone marrow pumps out more new blood cells.  These are the days we keep Brendan home and stay as healthy as possible.   Day 21 is supposed to be the end of the cycle and the beginning of the next round of chemo.  For many reasons, (including the Christmas holiday, or slow return of blood counts) the length of Brendan's cycles have been extended anywhere from 26 to 29 days.

While the 21 days of the chemo cycle fall into patterns, I find my emotional cycles follow patterns too.  Coming up to day one, I'm always apprehensive and "gearing up" mentally to face whatever challenge that round of chemo brings, and to brace myself for a week-long stay at the hospital.  Then, my emotional ups and downs of chemo week closely mirror how Brendan is feeling.

Brendan decided to buy the game, Cataan.  I'm sure he's planning to beat Sarah again.

 Coming home--I'm finding-- seems to follow a somewhat predictable pattern as well.  The first day back home finds me excited and exhilarated.  The first full day of being home I plan to do all the things I didn't get done the week before.  Then, it seems to always follow, that the second full day home I'm tired and emotional.  That was today.  All the stress of chemo week, all the let down following chemo week and the relief of having another round done leave me exhausted and drained emotionally and physically.

Gotta love Friday nights and getting to stay up late to watch a movie!

 Knowing it is coming is a huge help in dealing with it.  I just write off this day (as far as getting anything done) then look forward to the more emotionally stable days that follow.  As Sarah would say, "Take a deep yoga breath!"  So that's what I do . . . and move on.