Chapter 4: Into the Unknown

I never thought there would be a Chapter 4 in this book.  I figured it would go something like -- Chapter 1: Surgeries, Chapter 2: Radiation,  Chapter 3:  Chemotherapy.  Then, maybe we would have an Epilogue and write "The End."  While we knew there would be lasting effects from the treatment, I didn't think we would have a whole chapter dedicated to it.

Shaving Brendan's head.  He didn't like the fuzz.  And since it is not coming in everywhere yet, he wants to keep it shaved for while.

Yesterday was another big wake up call for me.  I already knew we would be dealing with long term side effects (thanks to my brother-in-law, who helped me look farther down the road than I wanted to at the beginning), but hearing it from the nephrologist, the endocrinologist, and the oncologists, just kind of cemented the reality of it for me.

I'm still not sure it has sunk in that Brendan shows no signs of having any more cancer.  Maybe I'm just too afraid that it might not be true, or that a relapse will occur.  Having those confusing bone scans out there makes everything seem less sure.  I'm grateful for the Family Handbook that we were given at the hospital that explains that all of these feeling are perfectly normal and happen often to families at the end of treatment.    

 I must still have a lot to learn.  Somehow I envisioned getting to the end of treatment feeling confident and knowledgable and joyful, but my same vulnerabilities and inadequacies still exist. I know more about some things, but find there are still so many unknowns ahead of me.  Are we still doing the right things?  Everyone has different ideas about treatments, nutrition, and therapies -- how do we know what is best?  It definitely takes the knowledge that all of us are each doing our best and that every person has their own path to tread.

Besides, you can't cover up a scar like that. . .at least, not yet.

 There is something incredibly powerful about cancer in that it seems to cause more than just physical difficulties.  Cancer can also leave an array of emotional, social, and spiritual destruction in its wake.  The more people I have met and the more I look around me, the more I see some of these non-physical problems.  Families struggle and some fall apart.  I have been absolutely saddened learning about the number of separations and divorces of parents after the diagnosis of their child.  The stress, the time apart, the emotional trauma all seem to add to the destructive elements that not only put the life of the child at risk, but the life of the family as well.


 While I have seen the destructive nature of cancer and the struggles involved, we have personally witnessed the strength and power that can come when family, friends, neighbors, and strangers come together -- united in purpose and strength -- for a common cause.  God is with us in that kind of unity. Now that is a power stronger than cancer.

With that power, we head forward into a new unknown.